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OK, Mum, if you’re reading this post stop now; it’s not for you OK?… trust me, you probably shouldn’t even have read the title… I’m telling you it doesn’t get ANY better!

Go on

Go away!

…is she gone?

OK…

If you Google the term “Center Parcs” then, on the first page of results (just beneath the official website and Wikipedia article) is a link to a thread from Mum’s Net (mums-net? mumsnet?). This thread begins as follows:

Up the arse at Center ParcsThis raises a few interesting points.

First up, there seems to be an odd relationship dynamic where shadyl sees her husband packing a tube of KY jelly and chooses to ignore it. I mean, unlike Vaseline, baby lotion or jump leads, there’re very few other day-to-day uses for that stuff.

Secondly is the weird combination of the (unfounded?) assumption on the husband’s part that going to Center Parcs equates to anal sex, combined with a reluctance to explicitly discuss this with his wife. I mean, did it really not occur to him to just double-check whether they were going to Center Parcs or going to Center Parcs (no, I don’t get how that works either).

These alarm bells do seem justified by her next post:

porn thing

Now I’m not going to go into a detailed piece about porn (don’t confuse it with real life and try to make sure it’s ethically sourced OK?) but I find it a bit sad that shadyl seems to find the idea of sex (albeit of a variety she isn’t interested in) and family holidays to be mutually exclusive. It’s also probably a little unfair to assume that anything to do with anal sex is necessarily “a porn thing” after all, a lot of people enjoy that… as indeed do some mums-neters (Mum’s Netters? mum— oh never mind), judging by some of the replies:

mums like anal sex

However, enlightened discussion aside, none of the (hundreds of) replies manage to offer much light on how the aforementioned “DH” managed to connect the concepts of “bum fun” and Center Parcs.  Google searches revealed nothing beyond links back to the thread which, due to the huge numbers of mums-neters replying with either “LOL!” or “WTF?”, has soared up the search rankings to the point where random people (including myself) are seeing it and joining in. It is the meme which has created itself… the internet is BROKEN (and it’s all the fault of Mums-net… as we always knew it would be).

The closest thing to a hypothesis that was offered is this:

we talk about these things a lot; don't we?

So there we have it, Mums-net has paradoxically destroyed the internet by having not a one, but a two-track mind… which is apparently more than the internet can cope with.

I don’t honestly know where we go from here so I’ll leave you with Mums-net poster “ShowOfHands”‘ thoughts on the matter:

no coconut :-(